That is the operating motto in my classroom. I'll say it again. For dramatic effect.
What kind of adult do you want your child to be?
I am not a mother. So I will not give anyone parenting advice. But I do spend all day with children. Lots of different kinds of children. And I do have a two degrees in child development and education. So hear me out.
As a parent, you have every right to raise your child any way you want to. Raise them as a vegan. Take them to
Twilight movies at the age of 3. Take them to church at 4 days old. Whatever you want.
As a teacher, it is my JOB to make them responsible citizens that know how to work in a group of people. That may be difficult for you, because you have limited access to a large group of strangers at home. But I do. Lots of strangers. Scary ones, too. We routinely practice what to do if a scary stranger approaches. We also routinely practice acting appropriately in situations with nicer strangers. Think assemblies. Pep rallies. Those sorts of things.
Back to my original question.
What kind of adult do you want your child to be?
Now I'm kind of taking a stab in the dark, but I imagine you might want your child to be somewhat like this:
Cooperative
Ever known a person who disagrees about
everything? That guy who argues just to prove he's right. (And he's usually not.) The lady you don't invite to dinner anymore because no restaurant agreed with her taste.
Very few kids are just cooperative from the get-go. They have to learn that every decision affects the whole group. In school, we teach this by putting children in groups and having them work it out. We discuss group decisions and how, sometimes, you don't get what you want.
And that's okay. You might get what you want next time. If your child is getting in trouble for not working well with their group or a specific person, please don't ask their teacher to put them in a different group. How will they ever learn to work it out? When they grow up, they will find themselves in so many situations in which they must work with other people whom they don't like. By learning these coping skills in school, their life will be much more enjoyable.
Socially Appropriate
Go back to high school for a moment. Remember that kid who talked all the time? The one who shouted out all the answers? The one who played pencil drums on his desk during the test and you couldn't concentrate? Did you like any of those kids?
No.
If I allow children to routinely do those things in my classroom, they will become those high schoolers. Even in 2nd grade, they are already be isolated for those kinds of behaviors. I want all of my students to be liked when they grow up. Therefore, I do not allow them to act that way. When they get in trouble, we always have conversations about what the people around them are thinking when they act like that. I want them to be self-aware so they understand. Please back me up at home. I know you don't your child to be "that kid" either.
Organized
How many of you are organized? How many of you wish you were?
Do you believe you could have been taught organization as a child?
Are you mad now that no one taught you?
I've had some of the most UNORGANIZED kids ever in my class. God bless them. It's pitiful, really. But after many lessons--some of them harsh--they now have beautifully organized desks, folders, and agendas. And wonder of wonders! They're doing better in school?!?! What do you know?! Who imagined that spending an extra 15 minutes listening to a lesson rather than trying to find your book in your desk would make a difference?
Respectful
Usually, when people think of the word "respectful," they think of children's attitudes toward adults. But now think of the person who cuts you off while you're talking. The person who criticizes you. The guy who stood you up on a date and never called explaining why. Those are adults being disrespectful to other adults.
If I allow children to speak to each other negatively, make fun of each other, or talk about other children behind their backs, I am telling them it's okay to treat people disrespectfully. They will be in trouble for these things in my class. 100% of the time.
What kind of adult do you want your child to be?
I know teachers. Lots of them. They are not out to get your child. I repeat--they are NOT out to get your child. They care very deeply about your child. While you child is in my class, they become my children. A parent who loves their child, disciplines their child. When your child gets in trouble, it is not because we don't like your child. It is because we like them so much, we don't want them to be disliked when they grow up.
I'm not a parent, but I hear it's a difficult, challenging job. I also hear it's rewarding to watch your child grow up into an amazing person. I want your child to be an amazing person too. So let's work together. When your child gets in trouble, ask yourself my question. And know that I see them in a different context. One in which they will be teased mercilessly if I allow them to act that way.
So let's be friends.
