Overcautious and It's a Problem

I love pizza rolls. I maaaaay have mentioned this before. When Chris' family came to visit in March, they bought me a jumbo box of 100. I have been savoring them since then. I haven't had them at all this summer. I know, I'm shocked too. The party line has been, "I'm trying to eat healthier." The real story is that I thought I only had enough left for one more serving, and I was saving them for the perfect day when only pizza rolls would do.

"Why don't you just buy more?"
"They're pizza rolls...not the last cookie your dying grandmother made."
"Who does that?"

Thanks for your responses. I welcome your questions and narrow my eyes with each one.

This is how I live my life, and not just with pizza rolls. And it's a problem.

Well today was the day. I'm feeling lonely. I've had salad for the lunch the past 8 days in a row. I'm stressed about moving to Texas, getting my classroom ready for the fall, and too many other things to name. It's pizza rolls day!

I opened the bag to bask in the glory of my last batch of pizza rolls. And guess what. There were way too many for me to eat at one time. Definitely enough for two more meals.

This is the problem.

Far too many times in my life, I have lived in a state of desperation about a situation. Not quite panic, just simmering desperation. Why? Because I never fully assessed the situation. I always feel like Chris and I are spending too much money. I feel a little sick every time we pay rent, check out at the grocery store, or stop to get gas. I feel like we're never going to get ahead for future things like a home or a family. So while half my pizza rolls were cooking and other half were still being their frozen little selves, I actually checked our bank account. (Shocker.) Turns out--we are spending too much money, but when I added up how much we were spending on rent, groceries, gas, utilities, and a buffer for "other," we're only spending HALF what I make each month. HALF?!

I think what I'm really learning today is that God is providing, all the time. I assume He's not, so I quietly sulk about my lack of money, friends, and pizza rolls. I don't even bother to assess the actual situation because I'm so convinced He's not providing. I want to hoard everything I do have, because I don't trust Him to provide more when they're gone. But, somehow, I've still got pizza rolls in the freezer. 6 friends have texted me out of the blue in the past 24 hours. And Chris and I don't need to feel guilty about spoiling ourselves with Taco Bell last night. God continued to provide even when I just KNEW He wasn't. I feel like God's been giving me presents for the past year, and I just put them in the corner without ever opening them. But instead of getting angry for my unappreciativeness, He continued to give me more.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let go of anything and trust there'll be more. I hoard things. I never eat the last bite of anything. I save pizza rolls for "the perfect pizza roll day." But I am learning that God keeps his promises. If there is ever something I need, God will make sure it is there. Even if it's extra pizza rolls for the next time I think, "Today would be a great day for pizza rolls."

2 Years of Marriage

Chris and I have been married for 2 years. Holy canoli. It feels like yesterday that I walked down the aisle to that big smile, but it also feels like we've been married forever. We've been through so many changes in the past 2 years--a major move, graduate school, adopting a puppy (seriously...life changing). 

The theme our first year of marriage was selflessness--learning to put your spouse before yourself. Our second year of marriage has been dominated by sacrifice. (Anyone starting to see why Jesus uses marriage as the ultimate picture of his love for us?) Sacrifice, a little deeper than selflessness, is letting go of something dear to you for someone else. It's more than agreeing to go to that Greek restaurant with your husband. It's leaving your home, friends, and church family to move to a new city so your husband can pursue his dream. It's choosing a school close to your wife's family rather than your own family. It's sacrificing time together. But this kind of sacrifice doesn't result in bitterness. It results in a deeper love and appreciation. Jesus sure loves us a lot.

We celebrated our anniversary a little early in our favorite place--Knoxville! 

Exploring the UT Gardens, where we took our engagement pictures.

We met up with our BFF's downtown.

We spent the next day in Gatlinburg and stayed at an adorable bed and breakfast.

We enjoyed a little bluegrass music.

We went to Sweet Fanny Adams theater and Chris was chosen to participate!

We had an interesting experience at a little restaurant. We couldn't order half the menu because the chef was out, the waiter insulted us and then spilled water in my purse, and our bed and breakfast owners were there. Good thing we were so stuffed from the Apple Barn that we weren't seriously looking for a good meal.

This is from our actual anniversary at the Cheesecake Factory (I smell a tradition coming on...). We ate a collective 6,238 calories and loved every bite. This is also just after my first trip to the Container Store, so I'm pretty much high right now.
 

I love being married to Chris, and I can't wait for all our future anniversaries! Next year will be our last anniversary owned by PT school, and the year after that, he'll be a free man! We're growing up...