Overcautious and It's a Problem

I love pizza rolls. I maaaaay have mentioned this before. When Chris' family came to visit in March, they bought me a jumbo box of 100. I have been savoring them since then. I haven't had them at all this summer. I know, I'm shocked too. The party line has been, "I'm trying to eat healthier." The real story is that I thought I only had enough left for one more serving, and I was saving them for the perfect day when only pizza rolls would do.

"Why don't you just buy more?"
"They're pizza rolls...not the last cookie your dying grandmother made."
"Who does that?"

Thanks for your responses. I welcome your questions and narrow my eyes with each one.

This is how I live my life, and not just with pizza rolls. And it's a problem.

Well today was the day. I'm feeling lonely. I've had salad for the lunch the past 8 days in a row. I'm stressed about moving to Texas, getting my classroom ready for the fall, and too many other things to name. It's pizza rolls day!

I opened the bag to bask in the glory of my last batch of pizza rolls. And guess what. There were way too many for me to eat at one time. Definitely enough for two more meals.

This is the problem.

Far too many times in my life, I have lived in a state of desperation about a situation. Not quite panic, just simmering desperation. Why? Because I never fully assessed the situation. I always feel like Chris and I are spending too much money. I feel a little sick every time we pay rent, check out at the grocery store, or stop to get gas. I feel like we're never going to get ahead for future things like a home or a family. So while half my pizza rolls were cooking and other half were still being their frozen little selves, I actually checked our bank account. (Shocker.) Turns out--we are spending too much money, but when I added up how much we were spending on rent, groceries, gas, utilities, and a buffer for "other," we're only spending HALF what I make each month. HALF?!

I think what I'm really learning today is that God is providing, all the time. I assume He's not, so I quietly sulk about my lack of money, friends, and pizza rolls. I don't even bother to assess the actual situation because I'm so convinced He's not providing. I want to hoard everything I do have, because I don't trust Him to provide more when they're gone. But, somehow, I've still got pizza rolls in the freezer. 6 friends have texted me out of the blue in the past 24 hours. And Chris and I don't need to feel guilty about spoiling ourselves with Taco Bell last night. God continued to provide even when I just KNEW He wasn't. I feel like God's been giving me presents for the past year, and I just put them in the corner without ever opening them. But instead of getting angry for my unappreciativeness, He continued to give me more.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let go of anything and trust there'll be more. I hoard things. I never eat the last bite of anything. I save pizza rolls for "the perfect pizza roll day." But I am learning that God keeps his promises. If there is ever something I need, God will make sure it is there. Even if it's extra pizza rolls for the next time I think, "Today would be a great day for pizza rolls."