Living Life with Regrets

I have regrets in my life.

I feel like I'm being rebellious by saying that. People say ALL THE TIME that they have no regrets.
"I live my life with no regrets."
"I don't regret anything I've ever done."
"No regrets--everything happens for a reason."
These are actual quotes I found from my facebook friends in about 10 minutes.

I beg to differ with that point of view. If you dug deep, I bet you would find a few things you regret. I certainly regret some things you have done. Something good doesn't always come from something bad.

I think you mean that you are choosing to look at the positive side of everything that has happened in your life. That is different from living with no regrets. Here's what I mean...

Regrets
I regret many things in my life. So many things I wish I hadn't done, or wish I had done. Some are silly.

This is my corner of the bedroom I shared with Heather and Liz in college. I really regret being so messy. I'm sure there were times that my roommates hated my mess. I got used to seeing clutter everywhere, and now it is so easy to overlook it in the home I share with my husband. I'm sure he wishes I had been neater early on so that he doesn't constantly have to pick up after me. My room was never allowed to look like this growing up. I regret that this ever became okay.

Other things are more serious. I dated a guy throughout a lot of college, and I regret staying with him for so long. Just being honest. With previous relationships, it has become so easy to say "I wouldn't be the person I am today without that relationship." But seriously, I would probably be a lot more confident and a lot less suspicious of people had I ended it sooner.

I regret ways I've talked to my parents. No good came from that. I just regret it.

While I'm at it, I don't think regret is just limited to myself. There are some things I wish other people hadn't done. You may say you don't regret anything in your life, but have you considered that your actions may have hurt other people? Still don't regret it?

Positive Thinking
This follows regret and should be the predominate way you live your life. If you live too long in regret, you will regret it. (ha...see what I did there.) When people say they don't regret anything, I truly hope they mean they are choosing to think positively about things that have happened. This is great. Good can come from bad, but not always. Although I regret that boy, I did learn a lot about how to act in relationships. I changed a lot of bad tendencies I saw in myself, and I IMMENSELY appreciate Chris. My regret about how I've talked to my parents has encouraged me not to speak like that again. Future good.

I've been learning to see bad things that have happened as learning opportunities. It doesn't mean that I don't regret them. If I never regretted anything, how many times would I continue to repeat the same mistakes? And it really scares me if you don't regret anything. Will you continue doing the same things over and over? But I won't let the guilt from regret consume me. I'm changing future behavior and picking out the positive from past situations.


This is really just a long blog about a huge pet peeve of mine. If you really have no regrets in your life, then expect me to stay away from you. I'm not hanging around people who don't acknowledge their mistakes. That makes you foolish and dangerous.

Things I Wish I Was Obsessed With

Healthy Foods

Apparently this is called kale. Looks like leaves to me. 

I thought I was eating healthy when I added potatoes to my daily diet. Potatoes = vegetable, right? No.

Then I learned that vegetables don't count if you fry them. Strike two.

I need more healthy foods in my diet, partly because I'm tired of the judgmental stares at the grocery store. "Yes, I do have 3 boxes of ice cream sandwiches, sodas, frozen pizzas, and tater tots. But I bet you just couldn't see the cucumber underneath the ranch dressing."

Exercise

This is me exercising. Okay...it may be a dance party. And it may be from 2008. That was probably the last time I exercised. Unless you count the time before my wedding when I decided to lose weight by power walking around my apartment complex with weights. Then my dress didn't fit and I had to get a second alteration. Exercise just wasn't worth it.

But now that Chris is in physical therapy school and teaches me about all the really important reasons for exercising, I've decided that I should give it another shot. I even picked up our apartment's new workout room key yesterday. I might actually check out the workout room when this Kourtney and Kim Take New York marathon ends.

Reading

I got The Hunger Games trilogy for Christmas. I read the first two over Christmas break. I'm dying to know what happens in the third one, but I got bored with reading. Now my school is doing a contest in which I have to post how many minutes I read each night outside my door. I can't let my second graders beat me. 

Organizing

The Container Store recently opened in Nashville. I am dying to check it out. But that would mean I would have organize my apartment after that. And that would probably mean I have to throw things away. I do not throw things away.

Maybe I can get some containers for things I don't want to throw away.

Problem solved.

Nashville

I really do wish I was obsessed with Nashville. Life would be so much happier. I'm working on it.

Strange Things I Imagine Are In My Bed

Am I the only person who feels something brush their leg in the middle of the night and immediately assume it's an endangered species that has crawled into my bed?

probably.

I think this all started about 2 years ago when I woke up and felt a rather large lump under my left leg. I was pretty sure it was a hamster, or other large rodent, so I jumped out of bed, screamed, and began beating the bed  with my flashlight. Finally, I turned my flashlight on but couldn't find anything. Then I realized my left hand was completely asleep, saw a hand-shaped red mark on my leg, and put two and two together. The lump was my hand, completely numb from lack of blood circulation.

Anyway, though I would share a list of things that haunt me at night. Things I have actually searched my bed for. None of which I have ever found.

Yes, I specifically mean the kind of lizard with the Shakespearean collar. 

Something was flopping. Turned out to be my hair in direct path of the air conditioner.

Felt it purring. Then realized my cell phone was vibrating.

One time I woke up and thought Chris was biting my face.

That turned out to be true.

The Waiting Place

The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

This is from Dr. Seuss' Oh, The Places You'll Go!. Chris and I listened to a podcast today in which my pastor shared this, and we realized this perfectly describes our life right now. And pretty much all of our expected 2012.

I feel like there are so many things that I'm waiting for, and I can't do anything about them. I'm waiting for Chris to graduate Physical Therapy school (2014). I'm waiting until we have enough money to buy a house. I'm waiting to have children. I'm waiting for summer break. All of life seems to be in a holding pattern. 

But God had been working in our hearts even before Jason's awesome sermon reminded me that people (the Jews) have waited much longer (400 years) for things much more important (salvation). Our New Year's resolution is to truly ENJOY this time in our lives. The crazy funny things that happen when you live in an apartment. (Conversations heard through walls can be hilarious.) All the things we won't be able to do once we have kids. We even made an S-CWOK Bucket List. (The "S" stands for straight. High-fives to everyone who figures out the rest.) I realized there are so many things I still want to do that will be much harder later in life. It kind of sucks that Chris has 2 1/2 years of grad school left, but at least he gets a month off at Christmas time while he's in school. He will be lucky to get 3 days off once he's a physical therapist. 

So no more being sad that we have to wait on everything. We're being excited that we're young, free, eating Ramen noodles for dinner, and can play Arkham City for 6 hours a day if we Chris wants to. 

I will most likely need everyone to hold me accountable to this.

Thank you for bringing their little boy home!

Thank you to everyone who donated to help Michael and Amy bring their son home from Ethiopia! They raised everything they needed to pay the referral fee AND the new adoption agency fee. Little Elijah will hopefully be home this summer!!