Don’t Drive Dumb

By Chris O’Brien

That’s right, folks. I’ll be your guest blogger tonight- mostly because my wife’s commute involves driving in the opposite direction while pointing and laughing at the schmucks sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the opposite side of the median. I, on the other hand, have the joy of experiencing the daily aftermath of drivers who decide to explore the literal implications of the song “Jesus Take the Wheel”. 

The thing about this town that continues to shock me is how dangerous the drivers are. I don’t mean aggressive- I grew up in the DC metro area, where your commute is often more like a dogfight between WWI flying aces. No, in Nashville most of the drivers are very safe and courteous. A lethal minority of the population, however, chooses to leave their higher mental function behind when they slide behind the wheel of a 2,500 lb. killing machine. This post is designed to recognize the top three of Nashville’s finest geniuses, all experienced (by yours truly) on highways and byways right here in town. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the “Don’t Drive Dumb” Awards!!!

Honorable Mentions: 10% of drivers here have no idea what a blind spot is, or how how to check it for that matter. They prefer to procede with a Russian roulette approach to merging. An additional 50% of this town is unfamiliar with how to utilize headlights during rainy conditions.  

3rd Place: To be fair, this driver had no control of this what happened while it was happening. As he merged onto the interstate towing a 2-axle trailer, one of the wheels rolled off as he veered right, and it kept on rolling. And rolling. And rolling- in a straight line- easily crossing the 100 yard median and rolling perpendicularly through 5 lanes of interstate traffic. I was able to watch (as I exited to go in the opposite direction, thankfully) as dozens of cars and trucks slammed on their brakes to avoid what would have been a comical gag in any theater. I can only assume it ended in a seven car pile-up. Really, all this guy had to do was check and see if there was a SINGLE lug nut left on his tire before leaving. 

2nd Place: On two separate instances, I have spent an hour on my 12 minute commute home because a pair of geniuses on 24 between 65 and 40 got into a very minor fender bender and then decided to take up HALF OF THE FAST LANE waiting for the police to arrive and inspect the “crash”. I can only imagine the conversation once he arrived went something like this: 

Police Officer: “Congratulations! Half an ounce of goof-off will buff those scratches right out! Now, unless either of you wants to call your lawyers to pursue malingering claims of neck injury, GET OUT OF THE ROAD. You’re blocking traffic from here to Louisville.”

(That's right. I picked a picture of a donkey blocking traffic. Kids, ask your parents to explain)

 

And the Grand Prize goes to:

(Keep in mind, this is a totally true story, which happened this afternoon and prompted the writing of this post...)

As I drove south on 65 through downtown, I saw in the distance a driver, stopped just past an exit ramp, with his reverse lights on. This is a common, albeit unsafe decision: when one retraces their steps after missing an exit to avoid the hassle of getting off one exit down and backtracking. As I pulled even with them, their lack of experience in the gear of reverse became painfully obvious. They started to back into the right lane, and at the point at which they slipped out of my rear-view, they were entirely into that lane. In Reverse. AT SIX O’CLOCK ON A WEEKDAY. 

...I don’t want to live on this planet anymore...

And there you have it! The winners of the first semi-annual Don’t Drive Dumb Awards!

Thank you all for participating. I'm sure the exponentially more entertaining and lovely Laura will be returning with a new post soon. And remember: DONT DRIVE DUMB!!!!!

Spring Break Blues

God decided that there would be no snow days this year. So I was pretty pumped about spring break 2K12. Then God decided that my spring break would plagued with illness and injuries. The last 6 days have been filled with fevers, antibiotics, and Chris practicing his new "wound care" skills on me. My principal already vetoed a re-do spring break.

I'm somewhere between suffering and perseverance on the Romans 5 scale.

So instead of ranting about how much my life sucks (again), I cleaned out my camera with some awesome pictures from the last few weeks.

We took a trip to Knoxville in February. Itchy always knows when he's getting left at Grandma's house and prefers to ride all the way to Murfreesboro like this. One of these days, we're going to actually give in and take him with us.

The view of downtown Knoxville from Mark and Spargo's balcony. Gaaaaahhhh I miss this city. I can smell Downtown Grill & Brewery just looking at this picture.

Chris and I went to our first concert in Nashville. The theme was "plaid."

The lovely Catherine Moe, Heather Mullins, and I hosted a bridal shower for our BFF Leslie. When you live with 7 girls in college, you become a champ at hosting showers.

The gorgeous spread of food...clearly the most important part of any shower. The only thing I contributed was ham and cheese sliders, which I totally stole from a co-worker of mine. 

My beautiful friends,college roomies, and 4/5 of my own bridesmaids. Heather, Leslie (almost) Woodall, Catherine, and Liz!

Just like when we were in college, Liz spends the night and we end up wearing almost identical outfits. Blue dresses and cowboy boots!

Literally took this picture 4 minutes ago. Itchy decided Chris and I were being lame, so he treated himself to a game of fetch. He launched that red thing down the hall, then ran after it as fast as he could. This is him returning it to...himself?

Two minutes later... he got hot and "cooled off" on the couch.

Pardon the inappropriateness. He's such a guy sometimes.

Well, there ya go. Today is the first day I've had vital signs since last Friday. I celebrated by making, not one, but two trips to the store today because that sneaky Redbox movie played hide and seek right before my first trip. I also made sausage balls and a fanciful dinner of fish, edamame, and garlic bread. I even did all the dishes afterward! I may live after all! 

Come on, summmmmatime.

Birthday Blog

It's the moooooost wonderful tiiiiiime of the year!

It's my birthday!

I celebrated with my parents last night. You can probably guess where we went.

26 birthday dinners in a row, baby!

Oh yeah. I'm 26. I don't want to talk about it.

My parents celebrated by giving Itchy the most annoying greatest dog toy ever. He has already torn one squeaker out and is determined to tear the other out by bedtime.

Wait...why did Itchy get a present on my birthday??

You may have noticed that chair in the background of Itchy's picture. Made you look!

But seriously, that's my new ROCKING CHAIR! My parents gave me a rocking chair for the future grandchildren my classroom. Except, we all know I'm not hauling that to my classroom. It will be camping out in the future nursery Chris' study room for a while.

Today, I received the biggest chocolate bar known to man and a Disney princess Valentine card from my students. Ah well...one for two.

But Chris' family surprised me with the most beautiful flowers at school!

My kids got all googly-eyed when I brought them in. Even they know that not everyone gets beautiful flowers from in-laws. I'm lucky. :-)

The best part of the day might be a little bit of a secret. Chris bought me all the fixins for a future small business that I've always dreamed of creating. But I don't want to let the cat out of the bag until I know if I'm good at it or not. 

Now to relax and enjoy a birthday that doesn't involve hospitals, softball games, tanning bed incidents, or anyone being in New York City...twice. All stories for another day...