Overcautious and It's a Problem

I love pizza rolls. I maaaaay have mentioned this before. When Chris' family came to visit in March, they bought me a jumbo box of 100. I have been savoring them since then. I haven't had them at all this summer. I know, I'm shocked too. The party line has been, "I'm trying to eat healthier." The real story is that I thought I only had enough left for one more serving, and I was saving them for the perfect day when only pizza rolls would do.

"Why don't you just buy more?"
"They're pizza rolls...not the last cookie your dying grandmother made."
"Who does that?"

Thanks for your responses. I welcome your questions and narrow my eyes with each one.

This is how I live my life, and not just with pizza rolls. And it's a problem.

Well today was the day. I'm feeling lonely. I've had salad for the lunch the past 8 days in a row. I'm stressed about moving to Texas, getting my classroom ready for the fall, and too many other things to name. It's pizza rolls day!

I opened the bag to bask in the glory of my last batch of pizza rolls. And guess what. There were way too many for me to eat at one time. Definitely enough for two more meals.

This is the problem.

Far too many times in my life, I have lived in a state of desperation about a situation. Not quite panic, just simmering desperation. Why? Because I never fully assessed the situation. I always feel like Chris and I are spending too much money. I feel a little sick every time we pay rent, check out at the grocery store, or stop to get gas. I feel like we're never going to get ahead for future things like a home or a family. So while half my pizza rolls were cooking and other half were still being their frozen little selves, I actually checked our bank account. (Shocker.) Turns out--we are spending too much money, but when I added up how much we were spending on rent, groceries, gas, utilities, and a buffer for "other," we're only spending HALF what I make each month. HALF?!

I think what I'm really learning today is that God is providing, all the time. I assume He's not, so I quietly sulk about my lack of money, friends, and pizza rolls. I don't even bother to assess the actual situation because I'm so convinced He's not providing. I want to hoard everything I do have, because I don't trust Him to provide more when they're gone. But, somehow, I've still got pizza rolls in the freezer. 6 friends have texted me out of the blue in the past 24 hours. And Chris and I don't need to feel guilty about spoiling ourselves with Taco Bell last night. God continued to provide even when I just KNEW He wasn't. I feel like God's been giving me presents for the past year, and I just put them in the corner without ever opening them. But instead of getting angry for my unappreciativeness, He continued to give me more.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let go of anything and trust there'll be more. I hoard things. I never eat the last bite of anything. I save pizza rolls for "the perfect pizza roll day." But I am learning that God keeps his promises. If there is ever something I need, God will make sure it is there. Even if it's extra pizza rolls for the next time I think, "Today would be a great day for pizza rolls."

2 Years of Marriage

Chris and I have been married for 2 years. Holy canoli. It feels like yesterday that I walked down the aisle to that big smile, but it also feels like we've been married forever. We've been through so many changes in the past 2 years--a major move, graduate school, adopting a puppy (seriously...life changing). 

The theme our first year of marriage was selflessness--learning to put your spouse before yourself. Our second year of marriage has been dominated by sacrifice. (Anyone starting to see why Jesus uses marriage as the ultimate picture of his love for us?) Sacrifice, a little deeper than selflessness, is letting go of something dear to you for someone else. It's more than agreeing to go to that Greek restaurant with your husband. It's leaving your home, friends, and church family to move to a new city so your husband can pursue his dream. It's choosing a school close to your wife's family rather than your own family. It's sacrificing time together. But this kind of sacrifice doesn't result in bitterness. It results in a deeper love and appreciation. Jesus sure loves us a lot.

We celebrated our anniversary a little early in our favorite place--Knoxville! 

Exploring the UT Gardens, where we took our engagement pictures.

We met up with our BFF's downtown.

We spent the next day in Gatlinburg and stayed at an adorable bed and breakfast.

We enjoyed a little bluegrass music.

We went to Sweet Fanny Adams theater and Chris was chosen to participate!

We had an interesting experience at a little restaurant. We couldn't order half the menu because the chef was out, the waiter insulted us and then spilled water in my purse, and our bed and breakfast owners were there. Good thing we were so stuffed from the Apple Barn that we weren't seriously looking for a good meal.

This is from our actual anniversary at the Cheesecake Factory (I smell a tradition coming on...). We ate a collective 6,238 calories and loved every bite. This is also just after my first trip to the Container Store, so I'm pretty much high right now.
 

I love being married to Chris, and I can't wait for all our future anniversaries! Next year will be our last anniversary owned by PT school, and the year after that, he'll be a free man! We're growing up...

A Day in the Life of Instagram

I'm on a mission to make this apartment smell delicious. Today: apple crisp heated in a wittle bitty skillet.

I'm also on a mission to be healthy this summer. I'm too lazy to drive to gyms, so I do On Demand workouts at home, then eat spinach.

Before you feel too preached at, you should know I added popcorn chicken and ranch dressing after this picture was taken. But my heart was in the right place.

Then I attempted to fold clothes. Itchy just wanted to lay on them. Silly wiener dog.

Finally, I experimented with Pinterest recipes. This is a sausage and cheese calzone before the heat.

And after...

We've gone over this. I make fancy things now.

Pretend like it didn't spit up on the aluminum foil.

If you want to make it yourself, HERE IS THE RECIPE.

Always Waiting...

You know those people who tell you not to wish your life away waiting for the "next step"? They're talking to me. Sorry you had to sit through all those boring talks. I'm even sorrier that you'll have to sit through more because I'm not listening.

I have a pretty serious problem with not enjoying life where I am.

It started in high school. I couldn't wait to graduate and start college at UT. I spent most of my senior year filling out scholarship applications and obsessing over what I needed for college. I spent about three years of college actually enjoying life. I didn't want it to end. 

But then I started student teaching, which is one giant time of "preparing for the future." Not good for a girl who always wants the future to be here NOW. At UT, we spend our whole senior year doing a combination of practicums and student teaching in the typical sense. After that, we do a full year of interning. So I had two years of "You're not a real teacher yet, but you're going to work like you are and get paid nothing." I had never wanted the future to arrive so badly....until I met Chris.

 I wanted to marry him from day one. He proposed at the beginning of my first year of "real" teaching. After all that waiting for my first "real" classroom, I spent that whole year planning for my wedding. I couldn't wait for the school year to end so I could marry my sweetheart.

It finally did, and we got married. Then we (Chris really) started applying to physical therapy schools. We waited and waited to find out where we would be going. We waited almost a full year. We were so excited about moving to Nashville for physical therapy school.

We got to Nashville. It's been hard. When I was in grad school, it was hard, but it might be harder as a grad school wife. It's a lot of being alone and wishing you could help take some of the burden off your husband. Finals weeks are stressful on all of us. But all of it is worth it because Chris is SO GOOD as what he does and is going to have an amazing career once he graduates. We just have to wait.

And there it is again. More waiting. 

I'm currently waiting for 2014. Chris will graduate. We can get out of apartments. We can go on a vacation. Our real life can begin. Of course that's not true--our real life has begun. But that's what it feels like. 

This is not an inspirational blog post if that's what you thought it was going to be. Just thought I would share a glimpse into my life. I feel better when I remember that God is on my side, and His timing is perfect. Every single thing in my life has always happened in perfect timing, so I don't know why I bite my fingernails waiting for whatever I think I'm waiting for. 

I might be asking for you to not let me wish this time away. Remind me that I'm young, don't have children yet, and should at least try to stay up past 9:30. Or you can punch me when I start whining about the future. Totally your call.

When you don't have anything nice to say...

...don't blog.

Hopefully, life will be cheerier soon. Only 3 more days of school (with kids). Knoxville/Gatlinburg for our anniversary. Couple of lake weekends this summer. Woot.

I have very much enjoyed having my husband home so much right now. I'm a little bit dreading him starting summer school again. We enjoyed a wonderful, rare day of doing NOTHING today. We slept in, went grocery shopping together, watched a whole season of Scrubs, watched storms roll in from the porch.... Maybe not exactly how we would have spent our free day in college, but I love this old, married life we have built.

The longer you are married, the more alike you become...

Face Juggler App

Chris just found Friends on TV and voluntarily turned it. This is why I love him.

Crazy April

This month has been nutso.

Chris has been especially stressed out. He's had ~10 projects due in the past two weeks. As soon as he finished those, he began finals. He has five in the next three days. I know he (and I) would really appreciate some prayers.

April got ridiculously crazy at school for me too. I somehow ended up staying at school until 4:30 or 5:00 every night. (They stop paying me at 2:45...) We just finished TCAP week, and next week is SAT-10 for my second graders. I would also appreciate some prayer for sanity.

My beautiful friend Leslie got married last Saturday!

I was so honored to be a part of her day! She fed me Mountain Dew and watermelon on my wedding day, so I brought her sugar free Red Bull on hers. I think we're even now.

It was so fun to make new friends with Leslie's other bridesmaids.

Since Leslie obviously picks great friends (ahem), any friend of Leslie's is a friend of mine!


Chris and I have finally organized our summer schedule. Looks like we have 2 weekends in Nashville total from now until August. That sounds alright to me! Lots of visits with family, a few special trips for just Chris and I, and a month-long clinical in Houston, Texas! It's busy times, but we are so excited. Pray for safe travels everywhere we go and that we are able to spend some quality time together while we are bumming off our sweet friends and family.

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." -Psalm 94:19

Nuggets

I make Chick-Fil-A quality chicken nuggets. No lie.

That was so you would still have a reason to like me after all this complaining I'm about to do.


Teaching is hard.
I am an educator, mother, nurse, accountant, event coordinator, advertiser, cheerleader, nutritionist, counselor, interior designer, performer, dentist, tech support....the list could go on and on.

Most days, I feel really unqualified. In my totally biased opinion, I attended the best teacher preparation program in Tennessee. During my internship year, I did student teaching from 7:00-3:00 and attended class from 4:00-8:00. Every day. For one full year. At the same time, I also completed an action research project, which culminated in a 118 page paper. And I still feel completely unqualified to be a really great teacher.

Completely unrelated side note--it's getting a little annoying to work this hard all day and come home to news reports of how teachers are the problem with education. Dear media, Spend a day in my shoes.

New cities are hard.
I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how open to change you are, moving to a new city is hard.

This wasn't even a major change. I went to middle/high school in Murfreesboro. I'm kind of from this area. My parents still live here. But it's different now.

It's hard to explain how it's different. I had good friends when I was in high school. I kept busy playing for the most awesome softball team ever. But I don't really have anything here now. I go to work, and I come home. When I crave restaurants, I crave Downtown Grill & Brewery and Long's Drugstore. I get the urge to ride my bike down Cherokee and finish with a Mountain Dew Icee from Weigel's. Then I remember I'm not in Knoxville anymore.

Adjusting has been hard. And almost one year later, it's not any easier.


God is good.
I already know that after all this complaining, Chris is going to make me list the good things in my life. So here it goes.

God brought us here to teach us a lot about relying on Him for everything. Five days after I moved here, I got a job at the best school I've ever been a part of. Provision. Between my salary and Chris' tuition, it doesn't make sense that our budget consistently stays in the green. But it does. Provision. God led us to Itchy, who turned out to be the most perfect companion on all those lonely nights when Chris is studying. Provision.

Life is hard, but I feel good knowing a) they've been harder, and b) God promises to work everything out for my good anyway.


So let me know if you ever want to try my chicken nuggets.