Percocets and Milkshakes

I had my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday. Let's all take a moment and give God a high five for only giving me 2 wisdom teeth on the top! I have been completely grossed out by teeth since my own baby teeth starting getting loose. My dentist actually had to pull some of my baby teeth because I was too grossed out to do it. So, huzzah! for only having two wisdom teeth!

I went to bed on Wednesday night and woke up on Friday. But Chris tells me everything went well. No "David After Dentist" stories, but I did make demands for pizza, Sonic, Mountain Dew, and queso on the drive home. Sounds about right. When Chris told me I couldn't have queso, I apparently just sobbed until we got home. Also sounds about right. Later, he informed me that we went to the pharmacy while I was crying about being denied queso. That's a little embarrassing...

I also decided to be left handed after we got home. I have no explanation for that.

On Friday, I woke up feeling much better. I had intentions to go to my school's fall festival Friday night, so I took a nap to rest up. Then it was Saturday. Weird.

My biggest fear throughout this whole thing has been dry socket. I understand it's rare on the top teeth, but I don't take chances. I've had 6 milkshakes, 5 pudding cups, mashed potatoes, and spoon fulls of peanut butter. You know, for protein. I think I got diabetes Saturday night, but then I found some thin-sliced deli meat in our fridge. That was a lifesaver.

Overall, no crazy swelling. (Just one minor chipmunk cheek on the left.) Barely any pain. Lots of milkshakes. And a Percocet/anesthesia combo that was quite wonderful for 2 days.

O'Brien Remedy for Wisdom Teeth Surgery:

• Ice. Don't fall asleep with the ice on one cheek. The other cheek WILL swell by itself.
• Milkshakes. 4 times a day.
• Rest. If you wake up, time for another Percocet/Phenergan combo pack!
• Peppermint tea bags. Stops the bleeding, and makes your breath smell all pepperminty!
• Wiener dog. For cuddling.
• Mashed potatoes. BreakfastLunchAndDinner.
• Turkey sandwich meat. To stave off the diabetes.
• Pajamas. I'm really gonna hate putting real pants on tomorrow.

Thank you to Chris, my mom, and everyone who called or texted to check on me! Also to Itchy, who was determined to cuddle, even when I didn't want to anymore.

Losing the Waiting Game

I'm blogging during the Tennessee-Alabama game. Things are not going well. But to be fair, the only teams we have lost to are top ten teams. Tough break when your conferences is exclusively top ten teams.

I could draw a giant metaphor between my life and the Tennessee football team right now, but I won't. I'm not sure if my readers have crossover interests between football and emotional things. I'm not sure I have readers.

I'll just say that I'm up against a lot right now.

I've been playing the Waiting Game for quite a while now, and I'm pretty sure I'm losing. I didn't realize you could lose the Waiting Game until now, but you can. My patience is very short. I've waited, and it should be my turn now. But it's not.

What makes this ridiculous is that I actually know when the Waiting Game will be over, and I'm still losing. ?!  Chris will graduate in 2014. Then we'll be FREEEeeeEEE!  (That's how you type words that you sing, right?) I should start a countdown. Every time that number gets smaller, I can metaphorically punch the Waiting Game in the face. (I told you...my patience is very thin.)

So things are not great, but just like how those refs gave Tennessee a huuuuge break by calling back a Bama touchdown, there have been some wins recently. (Sorry, I made the metaphor. You'll have to learn about football now.) Chris' summer semester will be starting a week later in 2013, so we get 4 WHOLE DAYS between my school ending and his beginning. Vay-cay!

We have had the chance to go to Knoxville a few times this fall. Our friends Adam and Megan got married last weekend, and it was a gorgeous fall wedding!

My roommates from college (and beyond) had a Nashville reunion weekend! We shopped, ate good food, and saw a movie about a college a capella group. Sounds about right.

Catherine left too early for pictures. Boo vet school.

So I'm trying to focus on those small victories and forget about the big picture for a while. Random cheesecakes delivered to my door could help. Just sayin.

Derek Dooley Gets Pumpkin Roll'd!

It's been quite a while since my last blog, mostly because I've been awake for 34 days straight. The 2012-2013 school year has started; therefore, my 2012-2013 life has ended. Except for an obscene amount of testing, the school year has been pretty good. There are challenges to any job, but I am very grateful to have a job at all. God continues to provide for Chris and I in the midst of a very challenging season of our life.

This week is fall break, hence the blogging.

I'm very grateful that my school system gives us a week off in the fall. I can't tell you how much we need it. Chris and I have not been on a vacation since our honeymoon 2 1/2 years ago. So these breaks are my chance to pretend I'm on vacation. Every morning, I wake up and put sunscreen on. Then I turn off the a/c and pretend I'm at the beach.

I'm just kidding.

But I seriously have been enjoying sleeping again...and baking...and doing dishes...and hanging out with long-lost friends. I even had lunch with a new friend today! I'm so jealous of people that get to meet friends for lunch. But that is neither here nor there...

Let's catch up for a bit. Chris and I went to Knoxville in September for the UT-Florida game. We didn't quite pull that game off, but it was so great to see our friends and be on campus again.

We had lunch at the UC. Petros are the bomb. (Excuse the college lingo from my era.)

ESPN's College Gameday was on campus for all the excitement. This is the back of the setup.

We found Elvols. I think he had been at Gameday. He was sweaty.

We went to the Vol Walk and cheered on Coach Dooley. We were also right behind one of the Orange Men. Awkward....

We couldn't get into the game, mostly because tickets were $300...each. So we watched it from the strip. We were fairly happy with that decision.

This fall break, I have gotten back in touch with my womanizing roots. (That doesn't sound right. Oh well.) I actually made plans for meals and went grocery shopping for all the applicable items. 

I did get one item that was not on my list.

You buy the cookies, and they will GIVE you free Pizza Rolls. FAT. KID. WIN.

I MADE A PUMPKIN ROLL FROM SCRATCH. And so many of you worried I would never be able to make anything except frozen chicken tenders...

I also have time to make all the recipes on Pinterest that I've been saving since July. These are healthy cheeseburgers! We don't have a grill, so we haven't had homemade cheeseburgers since...ever. But these taste exactly like cheeseburgers, except they are grilled on a George Foreman in a tortilla. You can get the recipe HERE.

When we pulled out our old, rusty George Foreman, we found this note inside it. I don't even know the story behind this anymore, but it takes me back to Chris's Head Resident days during college. Obviously, we haven't used it since then.

So that's my fall break so far. I'm looking forward to hanging out with more friends tomorrow and most of my FELLOWSHIP HOUSE girls this weekend! THAT surely beats the mean old beach any day. Unless we were on the beach, and then THAT would be the bomb. ....dot com.

Begin Again

As a rule, I don't talk much about school. ("As a rule"...get it? And I rhymed. I'm an awesome teacher.)

I had so much to say before this new school year started. Then the new school year started, and I barely had time to sleep, eat, or think. If you know a teacher who is starting school right now, give him or her a hug. Like a long one. They need it.

I was so hopeful to start this school year, and I still am. I think every teacher is hopeful and excited right now. (Contrary to popular belief, we do NOT spend our whole summer just laying by the pool. We actually do a ton of work preparing for the next year.) We are hopeful that this will be the best year we've ever had. We are hopeful that our past experience will make this year smoother and better than before. We are hopeful that we'll get more sleep, eat better, and be a positive force in our students' lives. At least for me, I'm always hopeful that at least one child will completely change for the better while they're in my class. I'm completely aware that it's not always my doing that causes the change, but I still love to see it happen.

This year, I'm excited that I have things a little more figured out at my new school. I wasn't a brand new teacher last year, but being in a new school, new grade level, and new school system sure make you feel completely lost. We have new standards this year, which will change what we teach, but it's nice to know where the music room is--rather than sending the kids down the hallway and hoping they remember.

In the short time we've already been at school, I've realize I'm going to learn a lot this year. A new group of kids can be daunting, but I'm excited to think about how different they'll (hopefully) be by the end of this year. 

I do have a few requests on behalf of teachers everywhere right now:

• Pray for us. I, especially, need prayer for wisdom and patience.
• Pray for our students. A lot is asked of them these days. 
• Pray for their parents. They are in a precarious position of advocating for the BEST for their child and also understanding that their child is not perfect and is one of MANY in a classroom.
• Pray for our school leaders. They are under tremendous regulations and requirements, while also trying to give their schools what they need. A decision from up-top is never as easy as it sounds.
• Give what you can. We desperately need supplies and time. I would estimate that every teacher in America has spent about $300 so far this year. SO FAR. When was the last time you spent that much of your own money without completing an expense report? What kind of time can you give? Pay attention to school board meetings. Vote for the right people. Spend a day with your niece, nephew, cousin, friend's child--every positive adult in their life makes a difference. 

Even if you don't have kids, they need you. Not to be cliche, but they will be in charge of you someday.

Go Timberwolves.

Things We Learned in Texas

1.     Jean shorts (on girls) are still cool and acceptable in public, as long as the lower half of your butt hangs out. Unfortunately, I don't have any shorts this short, but I was excited to wear my jean shorts with pride. They just fit the best.

2. The police are called Constables. And they wear cowboy hats.

3.     Everyone has a truck. And it is huge. Our little Nemo almost got squished every time we parked.

4.     Whataburgers. Everywhere. You are shunned if you do not like Whataburger.

5.   Frontage roads. These are roads that parallel the interstate. 
Pros-Restaurants and businesses can be along the complete length of the interstate, instead of perpendicular to the interstate along exits. 
Cons-You have to memorize where things are on the frontage road because if something is coming up on the  left, you must exit onto the frontage road BEFORE you pass it, drive approximately 1 mile, make a U-turn under the interstate, then basically retrace your steps to get back to your destination. I may have cursed several times at the frontage roads.

6.     Some people in Houston are still bitter about the Titans. Chris and I listened to an awkward conversation in a little shop between four Texans. They discussed the Titans move to Tennessee and how they refuse to acknowledge them as a real team. The group then each bought Oilers t-shirts. To be fair, the shop was called "Big Texas."

7.    No one in Texas cares about organic or natural food! It was pure joy to not be given the stink eye for buying the regular bananas instead of the organic bananas. I also realized how much Nashville is becoming more and more a "Little Hollywood." I wonder if the Nashville hipsters would rebel AGAINST organic food in California...because they wouldn't be different anymore.

8.     Tex-Mex. I was most excited to experience authentic Mexican food in Texas, as well as authentic Tex-Mex. I learned that authentic Mexican food is wonderful, and Tex-Mex is exactly what we've been eating this whole time. My Mexican food experience, in the heart of Mexican San Antonio, consisted of a chicken taco, rice, and beans. The taco was mostly vegetables with some chicken. The cheese dip was yellow. Very thick chips with no salt. My Tex-Mex meals were much more Americanized--lots of meat, white queso, buttered rice--but still delicious.

9.     Last but not least......Buc-ees. This is a gas station the size of Walmart. There were at least 200 people inside. The line to the bathroom was out the door. People were buying Buc-ees bumper stickers. Chris and I were baffled.

Well, there you have it. Chris and I spent a wonderful month in Houston, Texas. 

We went to the beach.

I rode in Corvettes.

I have finally shed those awkward middle school years when I first rode in this Corvette.

HUGE thank you to my Uncle Eddy and Aunt Kathy for letting us bum off them for the month!! They are just great!

At the end of the day, I still love my Tennessee.

Texas

We've been in Texas for about 2 1/2 weeks now. Chris is in Houston for a month-long clinical rotation, and my aunt and uncle have been kind enough to let us stay with them. (It's not easy keeping two O'Briens for a month.) I'm just so grateful that I could come with him on this rotation. Hopefully, I'll be able to go along on the next rotation in summer 2013. His last three will be during the school year, so let's all start praying now that he gets rotations in Nashville. It's been pretty cool learning about life in a different part of the country. We started our adventure on June 30 with a stop in Memphis. Shaving 3 hours off the trip didn't seem huge, but it helped a lot.

We arrived in Houston on July 1, and our first stop was a Texas BBQ joint. No plates. Just bbq on wax paper. Be messy!

It was hot the first week. We celebrated the fourth of July with a neighborhood cookout.

Then there was an adorable bicycle parade.

We watched fireworks from The Woodlands, TX. Of course they played Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A." and of course Chris shouted "Go Vols!" when he mentioned the hills of Tennessee. It was, however, quickly overshadowed by cheers when Mr. Greenwood sang about Houston. Funny--I've never noticed the song mentioned Houston, probably because it was always drowned out by "Go Vols."

Our second week was wet. As in, there was major flooding in Houston. But you already know that since you've all been so worried about us over here. It rained for six days straight. And I sat inside for six days straight. Have I mentioned we only have 1 car out here, and Chris drives it to work? But it's cool. I stole the car today.

Last weekend, Chris and I took a mini-vacation to San Antonio. It was gorgeous and NOT rainy! First, we paid homage to Davy Crockett at the Alamo. Again, go vols. Then we walked to Market Square and enjoyed some really authentic Mexican food. Chris and I were thankful many times that we both know some Spanish. Most of the signs and menus were in Spanish. San Antonio has a beautiful riverwalk that runs throughout the city. They were offering boat tours, but the boats were in the sun and the sidewalk was in the shade, so Chris and I walked the whole riverwalk. Go, go, gadget healthy O'Briens! We experienced a Texas steak house that night, but we were too entranced by the CrossFit games on TV to remember much of the restaurant. Those CrossFit women are nuts!

We have about 2 1/2 weeks left here. I'm leaving a little earlier to get my classroom back in order for the new school year. My only goal for the rest of our time in Texas is to make it to the beach. I've never lived this close to a beach, and I refuse to go home without touching the ocean.

Chris and I are working on a blog of things we've noticed about Texas. It should be good. It includes Harry E. Butts.

Overcautious and It's a Problem

I love pizza rolls. I maaaaay have mentioned this before. When Chris' family came to visit in March, they bought me a jumbo box of 100. I have been savoring them since then. I haven't had them at all this summer. I know, I'm shocked too. The party line has been, "I'm trying to eat healthier." The real story is that I thought I only had enough left for one more serving, and I was saving them for the perfect day when only pizza rolls would do.

"Why don't you just buy more?"
"They're pizza rolls...not the last cookie your dying grandmother made."
"Who does that?"

Thanks for your responses. I welcome your questions and narrow my eyes with each one.

This is how I live my life, and not just with pizza rolls. And it's a problem.

Well today was the day. I'm feeling lonely. I've had salad for the lunch the past 8 days in a row. I'm stressed about moving to Texas, getting my classroom ready for the fall, and too many other things to name. It's pizza rolls day!

I opened the bag to bask in the glory of my last batch of pizza rolls. And guess what. There were way too many for me to eat at one time. Definitely enough for two more meals.

This is the problem.

Far too many times in my life, I have lived in a state of desperation about a situation. Not quite panic, just simmering desperation. Why? Because I never fully assessed the situation. I always feel like Chris and I are spending too much money. I feel a little sick every time we pay rent, check out at the grocery store, or stop to get gas. I feel like we're never going to get ahead for future things like a home or a family. So while half my pizza rolls were cooking and other half were still being their frozen little selves, I actually checked our bank account. (Shocker.) Turns out--we are spending too much money, but when I added up how much we were spending on rent, groceries, gas, utilities, and a buffer for "other," we're only spending HALF what I make each month. HALF?!

I think what I'm really learning today is that God is providing, all the time. I assume He's not, so I quietly sulk about my lack of money, friends, and pizza rolls. I don't even bother to assess the actual situation because I'm so convinced He's not providing. I want to hoard everything I do have, because I don't trust Him to provide more when they're gone. But, somehow, I've still got pizza rolls in the freezer. 6 friends have texted me out of the blue in the past 24 hours. And Chris and I don't need to feel guilty about spoiling ourselves with Taco Bell last night. God continued to provide even when I just KNEW He wasn't. I feel like God's been giving me presents for the past year, and I just put them in the corner without ever opening them. But instead of getting angry for my unappreciativeness, He continued to give me more.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let go of anything and trust there'll be more. I hoard things. I never eat the last bite of anything. I save pizza rolls for "the perfect pizza roll day." But I am learning that God keeps his promises. If there is ever something I need, God will make sure it is there. Even if it's extra pizza rolls for the next time I think, "Today would be a great day for pizza rolls."

2 Years of Marriage

Chris and I have been married for 2 years. Holy canoli. It feels like yesterday that I walked down the aisle to that big smile, but it also feels like we've been married forever. We've been through so many changes in the past 2 years--a major move, graduate school, adopting a puppy (seriously...life changing). 

The theme our first year of marriage was selflessness--learning to put your spouse before yourself. Our second year of marriage has been dominated by sacrifice. (Anyone starting to see why Jesus uses marriage as the ultimate picture of his love for us?) Sacrifice, a little deeper than selflessness, is letting go of something dear to you for someone else. It's more than agreeing to go to that Greek restaurant with your husband. It's leaving your home, friends, and church family to move to a new city so your husband can pursue his dream. It's choosing a school close to your wife's family rather than your own family. It's sacrificing time together. But this kind of sacrifice doesn't result in bitterness. It results in a deeper love and appreciation. Jesus sure loves us a lot.

We celebrated our anniversary a little early in our favorite place--Knoxville! 

Exploring the UT Gardens, where we took our engagement pictures.

We met up with our BFF's downtown.

We spent the next day in Gatlinburg and stayed at an adorable bed and breakfast.

We enjoyed a little bluegrass music.

We went to Sweet Fanny Adams theater and Chris was chosen to participate!

We had an interesting experience at a little restaurant. We couldn't order half the menu because the chef was out, the waiter insulted us and then spilled water in my purse, and our bed and breakfast owners were there. Good thing we were so stuffed from the Apple Barn that we weren't seriously looking for a good meal.

This is from our actual anniversary at the Cheesecake Factory (I smell a tradition coming on...). We ate a collective 6,238 calories and loved every bite. This is also just after my first trip to the Container Store, so I'm pretty much high right now.
 

I love being married to Chris, and I can't wait for all our future anniversaries! Next year will be our last anniversary owned by PT school, and the year after that, he'll be a free man! We're growing up...

A Day in the Life of Instagram

I'm on a mission to make this apartment smell delicious. Today: apple crisp heated in a wittle bitty skillet.

I'm also on a mission to be healthy this summer. I'm too lazy to drive to gyms, so I do On Demand workouts at home, then eat spinach.

Before you feel too preached at, you should know I added popcorn chicken and ranch dressing after this picture was taken. But my heart was in the right place.

Then I attempted to fold clothes. Itchy just wanted to lay on them. Silly wiener dog.

Finally, I experimented with Pinterest recipes. This is a sausage and cheese calzone before the heat.

And after...

We've gone over this. I make fancy things now.

Pretend like it didn't spit up on the aluminum foil.

If you want to make it yourself, HERE IS THE RECIPE.

Always Waiting...

You know those people who tell you not to wish your life away waiting for the "next step"? They're talking to me. Sorry you had to sit through all those boring talks. I'm even sorrier that you'll have to sit through more because I'm not listening.

I have a pretty serious problem with not enjoying life where I am.

It started in high school. I couldn't wait to graduate and start college at UT. I spent most of my senior year filling out scholarship applications and obsessing over what I needed for college. I spent about three years of college actually enjoying life. I didn't want it to end. 

But then I started student teaching, which is one giant time of "preparing for the future." Not good for a girl who always wants the future to be here NOW. At UT, we spend our whole senior year doing a combination of practicums and student teaching in the typical sense. After that, we do a full year of interning. So I had two years of "You're not a real teacher yet, but you're going to work like you are and get paid nothing." I had never wanted the future to arrive so badly....until I met Chris.

 I wanted to marry him from day one. He proposed at the beginning of my first year of "real" teaching. After all that waiting for my first "real" classroom, I spent that whole year planning for my wedding. I couldn't wait for the school year to end so I could marry my sweetheart.

It finally did, and we got married. Then we (Chris really) started applying to physical therapy schools. We waited and waited to find out where we would be going. We waited almost a full year. We were so excited about moving to Nashville for physical therapy school.

We got to Nashville. It's been hard. When I was in grad school, it was hard, but it might be harder as a grad school wife. It's a lot of being alone and wishing you could help take some of the burden off your husband. Finals weeks are stressful on all of us. But all of it is worth it because Chris is SO GOOD as what he does and is going to have an amazing career once he graduates. We just have to wait.

And there it is again. More waiting. 

I'm currently waiting for 2014. Chris will graduate. We can get out of apartments. We can go on a vacation. Our real life can begin. Of course that's not true--our real life has begun. But that's what it feels like. 

This is not an inspirational blog post if that's what you thought it was going to be. Just thought I would share a glimpse into my life. I feel better when I remember that God is on my side, and His timing is perfect. Every single thing in my life has always happened in perfect timing, so I don't know why I bite my fingernails waiting for whatever I think I'm waiting for. 

I might be asking for you to not let me wish this time away. Remind me that I'm young, don't have children yet, and should at least try to stay up past 9:30. Or you can punch me when I start whining about the future. Totally your call.

When you don't have anything nice to say...

...don't blog.

Hopefully, life will be cheerier soon. Only 3 more days of school (with kids). Knoxville/Gatlinburg for our anniversary. Couple of lake weekends this summer. Woot.

I have very much enjoyed having my husband home so much right now. I'm a little bit dreading him starting summer school again. We enjoyed a wonderful, rare day of doing NOTHING today. We slept in, went grocery shopping together, watched a whole season of Scrubs, watched storms roll in from the porch.... Maybe not exactly how we would have spent our free day in college, but I love this old, married life we have built.

The longer you are married, the more alike you become...

Face Juggler App

Chris just found Friends on TV and voluntarily turned it. This is why I love him.

Crazy April

This month has been nutso.

Chris has been especially stressed out. He's had ~10 projects due in the past two weeks. As soon as he finished those, he began finals. He has five in the next three days. I know he (and I) would really appreciate some prayers.

April got ridiculously crazy at school for me too. I somehow ended up staying at school until 4:30 or 5:00 every night. (They stop paying me at 2:45...) We just finished TCAP week, and next week is SAT-10 for my second graders. I would also appreciate some prayer for sanity.

My beautiful friend Leslie got married last Saturday!

I was so honored to be a part of her day! She fed me Mountain Dew and watermelon on my wedding day, so I brought her sugar free Red Bull on hers. I think we're even now.

It was so fun to make new friends with Leslie's other bridesmaids.

Since Leslie obviously picks great friends (ahem), any friend of Leslie's is a friend of mine!


Chris and I have finally organized our summer schedule. Looks like we have 2 weekends in Nashville total from now until August. That sounds alright to me! Lots of visits with family, a few special trips for just Chris and I, and a month-long clinical in Houston, Texas! It's busy times, but we are so excited. Pray for safe travels everywhere we go and that we are able to spend some quality time together while we are bumming off our sweet friends and family.

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." -Psalm 94:19

Nuggets

I make Chick-Fil-A quality chicken nuggets. No lie.

That was so you would still have a reason to like me after all this complaining I'm about to do.


Teaching is hard.
I am an educator, mother, nurse, accountant, event coordinator, advertiser, cheerleader, nutritionist, counselor, interior designer, performer, dentist, tech support....the list could go on and on.

Most days, I feel really unqualified. In my totally biased opinion, I attended the best teacher preparation program in Tennessee. During my internship year, I did student teaching from 7:00-3:00 and attended class from 4:00-8:00. Every day. For one full year. At the same time, I also completed an action research project, which culminated in a 118 page paper. And I still feel completely unqualified to be a really great teacher.

Completely unrelated side note--it's getting a little annoying to work this hard all day and come home to news reports of how teachers are the problem with education. Dear media, Spend a day in my shoes.

New cities are hard.
I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how open to change you are, moving to a new city is hard.

This wasn't even a major change. I went to middle/high school in Murfreesboro. I'm kind of from this area. My parents still live here. But it's different now.

It's hard to explain how it's different. I had good friends when I was in high school. I kept busy playing for the most awesome softball team ever. But I don't really have anything here now. I go to work, and I come home. When I crave restaurants, I crave Downtown Grill & Brewery and Long's Drugstore. I get the urge to ride my bike down Cherokee and finish with a Mountain Dew Icee from Weigel's. Then I remember I'm not in Knoxville anymore.

Adjusting has been hard. And almost one year later, it's not any easier.


God is good.
I already know that after all this complaining, Chris is going to make me list the good things in my life. So here it goes.

God brought us here to teach us a lot about relying on Him for everything. Five days after I moved here, I got a job at the best school I've ever been a part of. Provision. Between my salary and Chris' tuition, it doesn't make sense that our budget consistently stays in the green. But it does. Provision. God led us to Itchy, who turned out to be the most perfect companion on all those lonely nights when Chris is studying. Provision.

Life is hard, but I feel good knowing a) they've been harder, and b) God promises to work everything out for my good anyway.


So let me know if you ever want to try my chicken nuggets.

Don’t Drive Dumb

By Chris O’Brien

That’s right, folks. I’ll be your guest blogger tonight- mostly because my wife’s commute involves driving in the opposite direction while pointing and laughing at the schmucks sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the opposite side of the median. I, on the other hand, have the joy of experiencing the daily aftermath of drivers who decide to explore the literal implications of the song “Jesus Take the Wheel”. 

The thing about this town that continues to shock me is how dangerous the drivers are. I don’t mean aggressive- I grew up in the DC metro area, where your commute is often more like a dogfight between WWI flying aces. No, in Nashville most of the drivers are very safe and courteous. A lethal minority of the population, however, chooses to leave their higher mental function behind when they slide behind the wheel of a 2,500 lb. killing machine. This post is designed to recognize the top three of Nashville’s finest geniuses, all experienced (by yours truly) on highways and byways right here in town. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the “Don’t Drive Dumb” Awards!!!

Honorable Mentions: 10% of drivers here have no idea what a blind spot is, or how how to check it for that matter. They prefer to procede with a Russian roulette approach to merging. An additional 50% of this town is unfamiliar with how to utilize headlights during rainy conditions.  

3rd Place: To be fair, this driver had no control of this what happened while it was happening. As he merged onto the interstate towing a 2-axle trailer, one of the wheels rolled off as he veered right, and it kept on rolling. And rolling. And rolling- in a straight line- easily crossing the 100 yard median and rolling perpendicularly through 5 lanes of interstate traffic. I was able to watch (as I exited to go in the opposite direction, thankfully) as dozens of cars and trucks slammed on their brakes to avoid what would have been a comical gag in any theater. I can only assume it ended in a seven car pile-up. Really, all this guy had to do was check and see if there was a SINGLE lug nut left on his tire before leaving. 

2nd Place: On two separate instances, I have spent an hour on my 12 minute commute home because a pair of geniuses on 24 between 65 and 40 got into a very minor fender bender and then decided to take up HALF OF THE FAST LANE waiting for the police to arrive and inspect the “crash”. I can only imagine the conversation once he arrived went something like this: 

Police Officer: “Congratulations! Half an ounce of goof-off will buff those scratches right out! Now, unless either of you wants to call your lawyers to pursue malingering claims of neck injury, GET OUT OF THE ROAD. You’re blocking traffic from here to Louisville.”

(That's right. I picked a picture of a donkey blocking traffic. Kids, ask your parents to explain)

 

And the Grand Prize goes to:

(Keep in mind, this is a totally true story, which happened this afternoon and prompted the writing of this post...)

As I drove south on 65 through downtown, I saw in the distance a driver, stopped just past an exit ramp, with his reverse lights on. This is a common, albeit unsafe decision: when one retraces their steps after missing an exit to avoid the hassle of getting off one exit down and backtracking. As I pulled even with them, their lack of experience in the gear of reverse became painfully obvious. They started to back into the right lane, and at the point at which they slipped out of my rear-view, they were entirely into that lane. In Reverse. AT SIX O’CLOCK ON A WEEKDAY. 

...I don’t want to live on this planet anymore...

And there you have it! The winners of the first semi-annual Don’t Drive Dumb Awards!

Thank you all for participating. I'm sure the exponentially more entertaining and lovely Laura will be returning with a new post soon. And remember: DONT DRIVE DUMB!!!!!